Smack her across the head with my shoe

Hahaha, I've just spent the past minute reading someone's Twitter page, which is generally something I try to avoid, seeing as I have a pretty sensitive gag reflex. But if the person in question is Lauren Bacall I can make the exception. She is, according to Wiki, eighty-freaking-four already but she sure don't sound like it (it really is her, as has been confirmed elsewhere). I've just found a new hero. As if being an acting legend isn't enough of a service to humanity, she now uses her fame to publicly denounce Twilight. Give the woman a Nobel Prize already!

Of all the choice snarky-yet-cute (cute, Wanping! OAW Alert!) quotes I could quote you, here are some of the cutest:

• (first post) "I can't get this God dam thing to work!"
  
• "Why does Brooke (my granddaughter) insist I use this thing? and why does she insist on decorating my Twitter with images of my youth? Sometimes I do not care to remember what I use to look like lol"
• (as time passed and her Twittering confidence grew) "For all of you that do not like my tweets, you can always unfollow me, Mrs.Hilton is on Twitter maybe her "twitts" are more to your liking."
• "So I had a dinner party last night and as I went to the kitchen I see my 19 year old grandson Jasper with a scotch in one and flirting with one of the caterer girls with Jayne Mansfield size breast and Liz Taylor eyes, men do scumble into the female flesh temptation so fast."

Aww. "Scumble". She made up a word. Adorable! What wouldn't I give to be Lauren Bacall's grandchild. That means I'd be Humphrey Bogart's grandchild, too. What a kick-ass human being I would be.